Assignment 1

[e_liberation]

I search with hands moist and trembling, for the edges of the table beneath me while stiff, scabrous sheets feel unusually cool against my skin. My gown, twisted, is now a lump of fabric coiled up against my lumbar. Bright lights bombard my view saturating everything existing under them in the starkest of whites. The room itself is meager, hallow; void of comfort and emotion with the only exception being everything transpiring within me – chaos. The glimmer of idle surgical tools catches my eye. I acquaint myself with the very saw that will intersect with my flesh and skull in a matter of minutes. A waft of mint toothpaste meets my nose as I wash my tongue over my teeth in an attempt to calm my ravenous stomach. I hear the clock tick tock; an eerie reminder of the events about to take place, of the juxtaposition of this and every other life decision resting on the outcome. A nurse stands to my left in crisp blue scrubs, a stethoscope decorating her neck. She searches for the eyes of the bemused doctors while setting up my IV. Her hands hypnotize me with every swift and steady motion, but her smile lacks sincerity - I have never felt so alone. Predictable and sterile odors of iodine and soap fill the air. Fans whirl overhead, ready to transport the smell of my burning flesh into the ventilation systems hidden in the ceiling. Surgical steel encapsulates my fragile twenty-something life while the dull and distant hum of the doctors’ voices bounce off colourless walls, echoing orders to breathe deeply, to count down from one hundred. Heat from spotlights dangling above expels onto my face. A mask lay stretched over my mouth, black and reeking of rubber. As the anesthetic hits the back of my throat I close my eyes and count. One hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight, ninety-seven…

Lights out.