love's (in) remission
Mar. 7th, 2011 10:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
e_liberationin many ways it's my saving grace (and anyone who knows me knows i don't have much grace, so i take what i can get), but there are times when i wonder if i secretly or not-so-secretly enjoy reliving the journey simply because it reminds me that it's possible. that i felt that way when i thought i couldn't or wouldn't (and even shouldn't) ever again.
admissions of guilt or confession, it's all very real to me every single day.
and maybe the pain i revisit is worth it in it's own way - but if it isn't i will know soon enough.
because it will end swiftly just like it always has in the past. it will travel backwards like i seem to every time i slip up or just want to feel it and it will live quietly and patiently there until i need to feed from it's all-you-can-eat buffet of simultaneous excitement and torture once again.
impatient for the days, the years, the words that will flow with ease, gentle smiles without careless intentions and selfish motives. arms that wrap me tight and words that never push me away. eyes that scream there's no one else that will ever.
ever. do.
i long to dream but i fight to remain awake.
in the best of my moments i am a walking contradiction. but i only emulate life and therefore feel no shame. sure it's a struggle out there on the wire, but i revel at the chance to fall flat on my face.
just like i dared him.
and he could only walk away.
admissions of guilt or confession, it's all very real to me every single day.
and maybe the pain i revisit is worth it in it's own way - but if it isn't i will know soon enough.
because it will end swiftly just like it always has in the past. it will travel backwards like i seem to every time i slip up or just want to feel it and it will live quietly and patiently there until i need to feed from it's all-you-can-eat buffet of simultaneous excitement and torture once again.
impatient for the days, the years, the words that will flow with ease, gentle smiles without careless intentions and selfish motives. arms that wrap me tight and words that never push me away. eyes that scream there's no one else that will ever.
ever. do.
i long to dream but i fight to remain awake.
in the best of my moments i am a walking contradiction. but i only emulate life and therefore feel no shame. sure it's a struggle out there on the wire, but i revel at the chance to fall flat on my face.
just like i dared him.
and he could only walk away.
